


Adventures in Chibi Sitting

by Lady_Nightshade



Series: Just Another Day in the Tower [21]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Chibi, Gen, Not Canon Compliant, everyone lives in the tower, magic towels are the answer, no one messes with natasha, rated for the language, the avengers get shrunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:11:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5308949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Nightshade/pseuds/Lady_Nightshade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That time that the Avengers all got turned Chibi.  Because that's a thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adventures in Chibi Sitting

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I know that loki totally killed Coulson in Avengers movie 1. And I know he’d definitely have issues with this. But for the moment just pretend that they already came to an understanding… there were probably cupcakes involved. Just like Loki and Hulk. Don’t shoot me, I never said this was a serious series.
> 
> This came about because... well, I don't know. It's just one of those random thoughts that came to me at like 3am when I woke up so I wrote it down on my phone before going back to sleep. The note was literally "the avengers get shrunk chibi with chubby cheeks and droopy eyes- jane's eyes- and speech impediments- thor's all like hammah! nawt yooooo tooooo! lol'
> 
> I don't own them- boo. No beta. Blame it on me.

Phil Coulson rubbed his chest absent-mindedly. It no longer hurt. In fact, it’d never really hurt at all- the adrenalin had kicked in too quickly for him to feel much and he hadn’t exactly been around for the healing process.  But he still rubbed at it from time to time, remembering the feeling of death seeping out of the wound.  You’d think death would freak a person out, but after finding out he’d been brought back after way too long, he’d become rather blasé about the whole thing. He’d actually been more upset that Fury had gotten blood all over his mint vintage Captain America trading cards. Silly, right?  I mean, in the grand scheme of things, what was more important? Breathing? Or Vintage?  A normal person would say ‘breathing, _duh_ ,’ but Phil knew his perspective on life was kinda off.  He worked with larger than life heroes daily and watched them descend into elementary school playground level pranks on a regular basis. Needless to say, his meter of importance and normalcy was sort of skewed.  So, vintage.  _Definitely_ vintage. 

When Stark had found out Phil was alive, he’d actually found him another set in even better condition.  Steve had signed those for him.  Phil was smiling at the memory when his phone’s ringer jarred him from his thoughts.  The caller ID said ‘Jarvis’ which meant someone in the Tower- probably Darcy- was calling him. Being a handler wasn’t technically Darcy’s job, but she tended to wrangle the team more than he did. Between the two of them, they usually managed to keep the team coherent, fed, and mostly sane.

The day they’d met again (after New Mexico) in the Tower, Phil had been trying to wrangle Clint out of the vents and Darcy had been trying to get Jane to eat.  He’d been planning on handing over her ipod to her (yes, he felt slightly guilty that he’d taken it after finding it was in fact, like she’d said, clean of anything but music) but had gotten sidetracked with the team. They’d stumbled in on each other and one ipod and apology later, they had decided to join forces. Darcy had gotten Clint from the vents with some baked goods, and Phil had shaken Jane from her science coma with the promise of SHIELD tech.  They’d ended up going to lunch together to complain and had ended up bonding over their troubles wrangling the team ( _the struggle is real_ ). 

Darcy usually just texted him if she wanted to chat or needed advice on dealing with the spysassins, so chances are she was calling because she needed help. _Real_ help. She had never called him for help (except that one time, but that didn’t really count- he’d been coming to the Tower that day anyway and in her defense, he’d have called for back up if he were in her place too) so if she was calling now, it must be serious.

Phil answered the phone, “Coulson.”

“ _Phil_.”

“Darcy?” she sounded… tense.  And sort of freaked out.

“ _Phil, help me_. _Please_.” 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, already half way to the elevators. 

“Everyone’s been… _shrunk_!”

Phil had so many questions.  Who? How? When? Where? And seriously, _why_?  But he refrained from bombarding her and instead tried to word it in a way he knew she’d respond quickly to. “… ‘Honey I Shrunk the Kids,’ _shrunk_? Or…”

“ _Anime_ shrunk!”

Phil paused. Huh, that was new. Darcy was still talking.

“What the fuck _happened_? Seriously.  _Help me_. Get your super nanny ass over here and help me! _Please_!”

“What makes you think I’m qualified to sit children?” he asked, even though he was already in the garage heading for his car.

“Dude, you’re like the head of the Super Nanny fan club chapter in NY!  And probably DC too. Besides, they’re not kids… they’re… _chibi_.” 

Phil handled the news well. “… _What_?”

“If I may interrupt,” Jarvis cut in, “’chibi’ is Japanese slang for a ‘short person’ or ‘small child.’  In some cases, as this one, it refers to a stylized device within Japanese animation and literature where a character shrinks in an impossible fashion for plot device, usually comedic in nature.”

Again, Phil handled the news well. “… _What_?”

Phil could practically hear Darcy rolling her eyes at him.  “Small bodies, big heads. They’re like shrunk and squished to be chubby and cute and little… with speech impediments.”

“… _Seriously_?”

“Yeah, it’s probably their chubby cheeks- I’d have problems enunciating if I had that much fat on my face too.”

“No, I mean… _what_?”

Darcy sighed.  “Just get over here.  You’ll just have to see them for yourself.” 

Phil was already pulling away from the building. “I’m on the road. I should be there in about 10 minutes. Who was affected?”

“Everyone on the team’s residential floors. Even _Jane_. Who’s adorably chubby cheeked and sleepy looking.  Like, her eyes are just plain _droopy_. It’s weird. Definitely weird. And cute.  Weirdly cute. Weir-ute?  Cu-eirdly?  Huh, there’s really no good way to smoosh those words together…”

Phil willed her to focus.  “Do we know who it was?”

“No clue.  I tried asking the team, but they’re still sort of disoriented. Tony’s stumbling around like he’s drunk… though, that could be the actual explanation in his case, but Bucky doesn’t look much better, and I’m fairly certain he’s _not_ drunk.  Clint’s just sitting there looking like someone clocked him and he’s seeing little flying birdies.  Whoever it was, they were only after the team though because it’s only affecting the people who were up here… I was at the cafeteria downstairs using the toaster. Everyone below is fine. I checked.  And Jarvis is monitoring.”

“All individuals below the team residential floors are still unaffected,” Jarvis confirmed.

Phil paused, trying to process everything. Nope, not working. He still couldn’t quite wrap his head around the whole anime bit.  So he focused on something else instead.  “… Not that I’m not happy you’re normal, but why were you all the way down on one of the public lobby levels using the toaster?”

“Because _someone_ keeps busting the ones we have.  And we finally ran out of the ones we’d stock piled as replacements. I’d have gone down to one of the office break rooms but they’ve figured out we’re the ones who keep steeling them and they’ve started hiding the goods… like _seriously_ hiding.  And- _OWWWWWW_!”

Phil nearly swerved at Darcy’s scream in his ear. “Darcy! Are you alright?!”

“ _Thor_!” Phil could tell Darcy was shouting away from the receiver to at least try to preserve his hearing, though even then, his ears were ringing. “Stop trying to call the lighting! Obviously in your _little_ form all you can call is the _little_ lightning.  Which is _static electricity_!  So lay off!  And Mew-Mew! Lock it _DOWN_!”

Phil could hear Thor lamenting in the background, impediment and all.  “ _Hammah! Nawt you_ _tooooo_!”

Phil heard a smack, which he assumed was Darcy face palming.  “Are you here yet?” she asked.

“Almost.”

By the time Phil sped into the Avengers area of the parking garage and parked, Darcy had already sent a welcoming party down. Phil heard the elevator’s Tardis sound as he clicked his doors locked.  When the elevator doors opened, Phil was greeted by the sight of a chibi Captain America, complete with tiny shield, and a chibi Black Widow in a tiny cat suit, each no taller than two feet. 

 _Huh, so that’s chibi_ …

“Captain… Widow…” Coulson nodded at them.

“Cowal-sun,” they both said in chubby cheeked unison.

Phil stepped into the elevator with them and faced the doors, trying not to stare.  If Phil was being honest with himself, chibi Steve was adorable- all big innocent eyes and slightly forlorn expression.  Chibi Natasha, however… well, her lips were pursed in what looked to be a permanent annoyed pout.  i.e., she still looked scary as shit.

“… Report? Do you have any idea what happened to you?”

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest as her lips twitched in annoyance but remained silent. 

Steve shook his head, fiddling with the edge of his tiny shield before looking up at Phil.  “We dun’ oh.  Las’ ting ah rememba was goin’ to deh kichin… den _dis_.”

Phil nodded.  “Alright, we’ll get this sorted out.  I’ll put out a call to some of our contacts. Someone must know something.”

Darcy was waiting for them when they stepped out of the elevator.  With Clint on her head… Phil tilted his head and looked at them.  Clint was laying on his stomach on the crown of Darcy’s head, his little arms clamped down on either side of her temples. “ _Huh_ …”

Darcy looked resigned.  “ _Yeah_ … I don’t know.”

Natasha walked out of the elevator past Darcy. “Geh down.” She said, addressing Clint, not even bothering to look at him as she passed. 

Clint huffed out a small sigh but complied, sliding off Darcy’s head before leaping from her shoulders to follow his partner.

“ _Your welcome_ ,” Darcy mouthed at Phil as she glanced from him to little Steve and back to Phil again. 

Phil suppressed a smile.  Busted.  He’d take her out for pie later.

“Wait,” Phil did a quick glance around the room. “Where’s Loki?”

Darcy shook her head.  “Off world.  He went to get some sort of booze that he guaranteed would get Steve and Bucky drunk.”

“How… _nice_ of him?”

Darcy snorted.  “Yeah, pretty sure he just wants to get Bucky to tell him more embarrassing stories about Steve.  He should be back sometime this evening though.  I’m hoping he can fix this… whatever this _is_.”

Phil nodded.  “So do I.  Alright, I’ll hold off contacting too many people until we know whether or not Loki can fix this- we don’t want too many people to know the team is indisposed at the moment. Though I _will_ call Dr. Strange.  He might have an idea.”

*

Darcy had eventually taken to pulling out her cell phone and snapping pictures of the team.  Because, why not?  She figured she’d need blackmail material at some point and while Jarvis could totally do it for her (and _would_ do it for her because he’s awesome and that’s how they rolled), she seriously needed something to do. Besides, she knew Phil would want some Captain Chibi photos but was just too ‘professional’ ( _embarrassed_ ) to ask (not that _she_ was asking).  She’d text him some later.  She was a bro like that.

After Thor explained that he didn’t really have a way of contacting his brother while he was walking between realms, the team settled in to wait for him to come back (this is incidentally how Tony got working on an intergalactic cell phone).  Agreeing that they should all stay relatively close together just in case whoever had done this to them decided to show up and try to pick them off one by one, the team made themselves comfortable in the common areas. Darcy eventually started baking.

Hours later Loki appeared out of thin air in mid stride as he walked between realms back into the Tower’s hallway (holding a cask under an arm of what he’d guarantee was the ‘good stuff’- _Darcy’s words, not his_ \- to the Captain and Sargent).

“Hay Lokes,” Tony said absentmindedly as he walked by, looking at a Starkpad as large as he was.

“Man of Iron,” Loki returned. Wait, _WHAT_? Turning around, Loki took one step toward Tony’s retreating form. Reaching out he gripped him by the back of his collar and lifted him clear off the ground, turning Tony to be face to face with him and raising him to be eye level.  “ _What in Odin’s name has happened to you_?” Loki asked.  “And who was it so I may congratulate them on a fine prank,” he added with a full on grin.

Tony shrugged.  “We don’ noh.  Can you fix ut?”

Loki set him down.  “Probably.  But I must know what was done to you first.  Which could take some… time.”

Tony nodded, “Yah, dat’s wha aw fig-ured.”

“…Why are you talking like that? Has the spell affected your speech as well?” 

“No, their cheeks are just too chubby to talk normally,” Darcy said, walking out of the common room with Clint once again on her head.  Leaning down she pinched Tony’s cheek.  Tony merely sighed. It was obvious he’d given up trying to stop her hours ago.  “Cupcakes are done, boss-man,” she said to him. 

Tony huffed out a small smile, “Tanks Darcy.” Walking past them, he made his way toward the kitchen where the cupcakes were.

Straightening up, Darcy saw Loki eyeing Clint on her head.  He quirked a brow at her. “Yeah, I don’t know,” she shrugged, handing him the cupcake in her hand.  “He just likes it up there.”

Loki stared at Clint for a moment longer (who only stared back) and shrugged before nodding and walking back with Darcy into the common rooms.  Phil was handing out cupcakes at the breakfast bar (since everyone was too short to reach them). Darcy snagged another one and walked over to sit on the couch, waving the cupcake in front of her forehead trying to entice Clint down from his makeshift nest (her hair).  Clint slid down before settling next to her, taking the cupcake she offered him.  With his shrunken form, it looked huge in his tiny hands.  Sighing at the sight of it, Clint frowned before taking a bite.

Darcy placed a gentle hand on his head. “Don’t worry, spy-who-didn’t-shag-me, we’ll get you back to your normal self.”   

Clint still looked dejected, but nodded.

Steven Strange arrived shortly after Loki had, and together they consulted various volumes of texts as well as asked those affected all manner of questions as they went (including if any of them tasted raspberries or heard lions roar when it happened… apparently some spells had weird side effects like aftertastes and sounds).  Most of the texts that Loki and Dr. Strange pulled (out of _freakin’ thin air_ ) weren’t in English (or any language Darcy had ever seen- she was pretty sure half of them were alien- one of them just had a bunch of leaf drawings in rows… she’d thought that one was written by fairies but Loki had shaken his head and pointed to another text he’d pulled as being written by ‘fairies’ or as close an approximation to them as could be described.  It was the one dripping _glitter_.). Despite the language barrier when it usually came to magic, there _were_ a few books that were in English, so Darcy and Phil each took one and settled at the table with the two experts to try to find anything that this could have been. 

*

“Darcy.  Darcy way-kup.”

Darcy snorted awake and sat up from her slumped over position on the table, a scroll (an honest to Thor _scroll_!) sticking to her forehead.  “I’m up! I’m up!” Squinting through skewed glasses, she eyed Jane who was standing on the table.  Apparently she’d been the one to wake her up.  Darcy blinked wearily.  “What’s up, Lois-Jane.”

Jane rolled her incredibly big and droopy eyes. Darcy loved finding ways to compare her and Thor to Lois Lane and Superman.  “Here, we ord-urd tay-k owt,” she said, pointing at a styrofoam container next to her feet.

Jane’s droopy eye roll was weird. “Thanks,” Darcy said, peaking inside the container to find Chinese food as Jane crawled back down to a chair and then the ground.  “No luck yet, huh?” she asked, glancing at Phil, who had just finished passing out the take out.

Phil sighed.  “None.”

Darcy glanced around the room. The team was off sitting in various places, with containers the size of their torsos in their laps (which explained why Phil had been passing out the food).  Jane and Thor had opted to sit together on the coffee table- not like they took up much room.  Darcy watched as Thor lifted Jane up to sit next to him.  They were all using forks since the chopsticks were too long for them to use but the utensils were huge by comparison.  Darcy contemplated asking Jarvis to order some kid sized things for them if this went on much longer.  “Where are Loki and Dr. Strange?” 

“Strange is in the kitchen,” Loki said, walking back in… on the _ceiling_. Book in hand he was still reading as he began pacing the living room upside down.  It didn’t even look like gravity was affecting him- his hair was still in perfect order and his clothes didn’t hang.  Well, didn’t hang _down_ like you’d expect from someone who was upside down.  They still hung, but just off of him regularly.

“Does that help?” Darcy asked watching him pace, before shoveling noodles into her mouth.  She was glad to notice that his shoes were at least clean and not leaving footprints on the ceiling.

“Sometimes,” he responded.

“This-times?” she asked, craning her neck back as he got closer to her.

Loki sighed.  “No.”

“Bummer.”

“Yes, quite.”

They fell silent for a minute. Loki continued flipping through the book in his hands, Darcy continuing to stare at him in silence.

“…Can you teach me to do that?”

*

“Darcy,” Jarvis said into her earing coms the next morning. 

They’d all spent the night in the common room- most of the team fit on the pull out couches together.  Darcy and Phil had kept watch (slept while Jarvis did all the watching) with Jarvis while Strange and Loki had gone off to find more books. Darcy figured there must be some sort of strange hidden Hogwartsy library for magic that they had library cards for.   

Sighing, Darcy blinked her eyes as she sat up. “Yeah, J?”

“Your package of expanding magic towels has arrived.”

“Sweet, thanks Jarvis.”  Darcy smiled.  She didn’t care what anyone said, those towels that expanded when water hit them were awesome.  Plus, they were totally handy since Tony was constantly covered in grease.  She could just pop one out of her pocket, splash some water on it, chuck it at the billionaire, and BAM.  Problem solved. 

Darcy’s package was already in the hallway being carted along by a couple of tiny bots.  They beeped when she came into sight and halted at her feet. Picking up the package, she thanked them and watched as they chirped happily (“Bots don’t chirp happily, Darcy- they’re bots.”  “They have _feelings_ , Tony!  Bots are people too!” “No they’re not, they’re _bots_!” “ _Jarvis_ is people.” “… _Point_ …”) and wheeled away. Taking the package into the kitchen, she set it down and opened it before setting about to put out breakfast supplies from the pantry.  It was a good thing that she’d gotten Jarvis to order those mini cereal boxes despite protests (“Darce, why did you wanna order such small boxes?  I could eat all of these and still be hungry. When are these ever gonna be useful, doll?”  “You don’t _know_ , Steve.  They could _totally_ be useful!”). And they’d all asked her why she’d bothered!  HA!

When she walked back in, Loki was back, examining one of the magic towels.  The compressed, dried piece of fabric was no bigger than a coin. 

“Am I to understand, that these small coin like disks are in fact towels?  And that you have ordered…” Loki looked down at the bag he’d filched the towel in his hand from, and then at the number of bags in the box.  “… one _thousand_ of them?”

Darcy put down the cereal boxes and began opening them the way you were supposed to open them- so that they made tiny bowls. Screw anyone who just opened them and dumped them into an actual bowl.  Anyone who did that had no appreciation for the genius of the mini box design. “Yup.” 

“…Why?”

“They’re handy,” she said, taking another from the bag. “Watch.” Walking over to the counter, she put the towel down and dropped a bit of water from an abandoned glass on it. “Just add water!”

Loki watched as the towel expanded and Darcy unrolled it. 

“They’re disposable and biodegradable too. This way, whenever there’s a mess in the lab- of the non deadly kind- I can pull one out of a pocket, add water, and voila! Problem solved!”

Loki stared at her. 

His stare was kinda creepy.  “… _What_?”

“Just… add water.  Problem solved.”

“…” Darcy wasn’t sure why Loki was still looking at her like that.  She’d thought he was fully sane again, but she had no qualms about tazing him.  She’d tazed a god once, and she’d do it again.

“ _Just_. _Add_. _Water_.” Loki said again, meaningfully to her before looking down at Steve and Bucky who had just walked in.

“Jus a’ wah-der to waht?” Steve asked, Bucky silently behind him.  Bucky had refused to talk since this whole thing began.  Darcy figured maybe he just didn’t want to sound funny to the others. She bet he talked to Steve though.

“You,” Loki answered before dumping what was left in the glass Darcy had used on them. 

Bucky just stood there, shocked. Steve sputtered and coughed. “ _Aw jeeze, Loki, what was that for_?!?!  Ya-” Steve stopped.  He hadn’t just said that with an impediment.  Looking up at them, he didn’t actually look _up_.  In fact, in Darcy’s case, he had to look _down_. Looking at Bucky confirmed it- they were normal again.  Smiling, Steve looked at them.  “You did it! Jarvis, alert the oth-”

“No need,” Loki interrupted, walking away. “Allow me,” he said, waving a super soaker that he’d conjured from who knows where.  “Dr. Banner,” he said as Bruce walked past him. Loki might enjoy ruffling feathers, but he wasn’t about to aim a gun- even a bright green water toy gun- at him. He may find his brother annoying, but not enough to end it all. 

“Low-ki,” Bruce nodded back, not even phased by the fact that the god was walking around waving a super soaker in the air. He’d grown used to weird antics. But he _did_ stop when he caught sight of Steve and Bucky.  “Yooo fix’d ut,” he said both shocked and excited.

“Yeah, turns out, you guys are like these magic expanding towels,” Darcy said with a smile as she ate a boxed cereal. “Or chia-pets! Just add water and boom. Instant growth!”

Bruce sighed and rubbed his eyes under his huge glasses (for some reason, they hadn’t shrunk with the rest of him… it was cute. And weird.  But cute.  Wute. Huh… _still_ not a good way to smoosh those two together.).  “Tat duhzn’t may-k any kind’f sunse… What kind’f shy-ansh is dat?”

“Stupid science,” Darcy replied. “But if it works, then what are you complaining about?”

Bruce shrugged and nodded in agreement. He’d seen weirder, after all. “Aw-wite, le’ me hav’ut,” he said, taking his glasses off and giving them to Bucky who’d held out his hand in offering to take them.   

Nodding, Darcy filled the glass and poured it out onto the tiny scientist who in no time at all was a normal sized scientist.

“Thanks Darcy,” Bruce said with a soggy smile as he accepted his glasses back. 

The four of them snickered when they heard shouts coming from the common room.  Everyone was shouting except Natasha.  Loki hadn’t shot at Natasha.  No one shoots at Natasha.  He’d told her about the cure before he’d begun shooting and had waited until she’d gone off to take a shower before he’d opened fire on the other sleeping team members. Administering the cure was quite satisfying. 

It took all of Coulson’s training not to laugh. Picking up his phone, he dialed Strange, to let him know a cure had been found.  They’d have to figure out who was behind this later, but for now, he’d just focus on getting everyone a towel.

**Author's Note:**

> This sat on my computer for months because I had no idea how to end this. Then I started that whole 'write something every day' thing and the dumbest thought occurred to me while I was staring at the screen- "I bet I could just order magic towels on the internet."
> 
> Magic towels are one of my favorite things. It’s silly, I know, but I love them. I find them endlessly amusing. These are the ones Darcy ordered: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwOtTbvxA9U The character towels are my favorite though. Anyway, I thought about magic towels and then the next thing I know, Loki has an idea for a cure- and it worked!
> 
> Also, those mini cereal boxes were a staple at slumber parties when I was a kid, but no one ever ate them the way they were designed to be eaten! Most of my friends just opened them like you would a regular box of cereal. But you could actually lay it down and punch the back open and use the box as a bowl, and open the plastic up just enough to make it water proof (or milk proof) and eat out of it that way. Darcy appreciates good design.


End file.
